TL,DR: We humans, as members of an always-changing Universe, are subject to repeated cycles of death and rebirth. COVID-19 has pushed us into change. Change follows a predictable pattern. Understanding this pattern helps us ride the “Change Cycle” with more ease and better results. The first phase of the Change Cycle as described by Martha Beck is Square One, characterized by death and rebirth. Your job right now is to let your old pre-Coronavirus identity dissolve. This will probably feel painful and scary, and the pain is made worse by resistance. Care for yourself and others as though you’re in active grief, because you are. We are held in Love as we do this holy work.
The Change Cycle is a foundational component of Wayfinder Life Coach Training. I think it’s a necessary archetypal pattern to understand, especially during times of transition. And boy, howdy, are we in a time of transition right now!
Everything in the Universe changes. Every single thing. We humans are members of the Universe. So change is built into our DNA, however much we try to deny or resist it. The Change Cycle, as taught by Martha Beck, is initiated by a catalytic event and has four phases.
Here’s a short overview, followed by a deeper dive into Square One.
The Change Cycle: Martha uses the metaphor of a butterfly when describing the Change Cycle.* Imagine a caterpillar melting down in its chrysalis. That’s Square One, the phase of death and rebirth. Square Two, the phase of dreaming and scheming, is when the former caterpillar, now “caterpillar soup,” begins to reform and coalesce as a new creation – a butterfly. Square Three is a Hero’s Journey, when the new butterfly does the hard work of emerging from the chrysalis. This is arduous work for the butterfly, and it can’t be short-circuited. Finally, our caterpillar, after going through a lot of acceptance and hard work, flies freely as a butterfly through Square Four! Square Four, because everything in the Universe is always changing, doesn’t last forever. Along comes another catalytic event, and bam! On to the next Square One! Every time you ride this cycle, you get bigger and wiser and more yourself. Unlike our caterpillar, humans ride the change cycle over and over again until we die, unless we resist it.
Caterpillars naturally enter their metamorphosis. Human beings usually need something to push us into change and transformation, because most of us resist. The catalytic event that pushes us into the Change Cycle may be something we longed for and planned for, like getting married or having a baby. Or it may be something we don’t want and didn’t plan for, like COVID-19.
Deeper into Square One: My friends, we are in a global Square One. This global lockdown accompanied by instant internet news is unprecedented. Coronavirus has forever altered our world. Remember that Square One is characterized by death of old identities. This pandemic has destroyed our identities as people who get to go where we want, do what we want, and control our own destinies.
Square One is painful, and it cannot be rushed. This square is overflowing with grief. Just like your grief when a parent or a spouse or a dear friend dies, this grief simply must have its way with you, and the best course of action is to accept it. As Tara Brach and other Buddhist teachers often say, “Pain x resistance = suffering. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”
When my mom died, I felt like my world had altered irrevocably. My life had slipped off the rails. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel anything but pain again – joy and happiness seemed like they had fled and would never return. I know you’ve felt this grief, too. You’ve known the deep sadness of missing someone or something so much you’re afraid you’ll never recover.
The only thing to do when you’re grieving is to grieve. Grief can’t be rushed. It can’t be sidestepped. The dissolution of Square One simply has to happen. Just as the caterpillar turns to caterpillar soup, we become “person soup.” We have to let our former identities dissolve when the new identities aren’t yet clear. The imago cells that coalesce to form the new creation will only find each other when the old creation is completely fluid. Completely disaggregated.
This is how this has to go. Death and rebirth is how our world works. It’s the story of winter’s death and the rebirth of spring. It’s sunset and darkness preceding sunrise and a glorious new day. It’s a waning moon followed by a waxing moon becoming full and illuminating the night. This is how this has to go. It’s okay. You’re okay. Let go. Let death have its way with you.
The only way to come out on the other side of this process a realer, bigger, more present and authentic you is to let the Change Cycle have its way.
These days, just like after my mom died, I’m moving more slowly. I’m tired and inefficient. I’m forgetful and a little fuzzy around the edges. I’m craving several hours each day just to be with this new reality. I’m praying, walking, moving my body with love, sitting in meditation, while working harder than I ever have before. I’m being really gentle with myself – creating a cocoon for this metamorphosis. I suggest you do the same. Treat yourself as though you’re in active mourning, because you are. Life as you knew it, before the pandemic, is gone. It will never be like it was. Grieve the loss. Give yourself all the time you need.
If you don’t take all the time you need, if you push through or avoid or try to step off the cycle, you delay rebirth. I know this to be true. After my mom died and after other catalytic events in my life, before I knew about how change works, I resisted, sometimes for years. Resisting the pain caused me to suffer and stay stuck, completely unnecessariy.
How can you tell you’re resisting the death of Square One? Some classic symptoms of resistance are keeping busy all the time, indulging in addictions, numbing, dissociating, avoiding being in your body, obsessing and worrying, and saying things like “Why me?” and “This shouldn’t be happening.”
We’re supposed to feel like toddlers in Square One, not knowing what the hell is going on half the time, and needing lots of naps. If you’re completely bumfuzzled and often tired, you’re doing it right.
If you take all the time you need to dissolve, to grieve, to become “person soup,” one day you’ll feel a lightening of that load, and maybe just a glimmer of hope. You’ll catch a flash of light in the distance. That’s a sign that you’re moving onto the threshold of rebirth. Those holy imago cells swimming inside you are beginning to find each other and coalesce. A new you is beginning to form. And just like the caterpillar, your chrysalis will have done its work. You will be ready to do the hard work of emerging and flying. And we will be amazed by your beauty!
The Change Cycle is a holy cycle. Although you may not feel like it, although you’re hurting, know you’re held in Love as do this holy work. You will be okay. You will emerge from this experience – COVID 19 or any other catalytic event – as a new creation, and you will be okay.
Contact me if you’d like to delve into this further. I’d love to talk. Consultations are offered free of charge and obligation.
*See Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck, Ph.D., for an exhaustive overview of the Change Cycle.
