There’s a thing you want to do, or believe you should do, or are being told you need to do, and you just don’t get it done. What’s that about?
When you’ve had an item on your to-do list for weeks or months or even years, and it just gets heavier and heavier, saps more and more of your energy and confidence, what’s that about?
When you just aren’t getting the thing done, is it possible you’re not just a lazy dumb slacker? Is it possible that you’re being wise, rather than just stupidly afraid?
There are plenty of wise reasons for not doing a thing.
Maybe this is a thing you shouldn’t do. Maybe it isn’t yours to do. Maybe you’re not ready yet. Maybe you really do need more information. Maybe you decided to do this thing when you were a different person – a naïve person, a more easily influenced person, a person who didn’t yet know what she wanted.
Maybe you’re just not ready to accept the changes this dream entails.
Maybe you have other priorities just now, and this thing isn’t as important. Maybe you’re not afraid of doing the actual thing, but of the overwhelm you’ll feel if you take it on.
I think we judge ourselves for not doing the thing we say we want to do. We jump to beating ourselves up for feeling afraid, or being lazy, or just not having what it takes to reach our goals.
But what if the reluctance you’re feeling isn’t stupid fear, but wise resistance?
How do you tell the difference? Here’s one way that works for me and my clients.
1. Bring to mind that thing that’s nagging you. That thing you’ve had on your list for so long. That dream you’ve been yearning to make real.
Really inhabit this possible future. Let yourself, in your imagination, live into the reality of doing the thing. Give yourself time to fully be there.
2. Notice what’s going on in your body. (Yes, there’s the body again!)
There you are, having run the marathon, written the book, gotten the divorce, cleaned the basement. Whatever your thing is, you’ve done it.
3. How do you feel? What’s going on with your breath? What’s going on with your belly? What’s going on with your neck and your shoulders? What’s your expression?
Do you feel light or heavy? Do you feel warm or cold? Do you feel relaxed or stressed? Do you feel open or closed?
What we’re looking for here, when you’re in your body imagining having done the thing that’s calling you, is whether you feel fundamentally expanded or contracted.
4. If you feel mostly expanded, opened up, lighter and warmer, these are signs that you really do want to do this thing. To create this thing. To make this dream into reality. Your reluctance is mostly stupid fear. And you probably want to move beyond your fear-based obstacles.
On the other hand, if you feel mostly contracted, colder, tighter, and heavier when you’re imaginatively inhabiting the future where you’ve gotten your thing done, these are signs that this thing you’ve got on your list should be crossed off, if possible. Your reluctance is mostly wise resistance.
Your body is telling you the truth.
Now you know if your reluctance is mostly wise resistance or stupid fear, and you can make an informed choice.
You have three options: do the thing now, commit to doing it later, or let it go.
So what will you choose? Will you intentionally put that thing in a “parking lot” and come back to it later? Will you let go of it for good? (I suggest ritualizing your letting go, so the thing feels well and truly done.)
Or will you choose to work with your fear, go beyond it, and finally do your thing?
If you’ve concluded that you really want to do the thing now, keep reading.
I’m developing a four-session coaching package devoted to getting your thing done. This package is focused on doing just one thing. It comes with pre-session focus and alignment questions, between-session check-ins, science- and soul-based tools and exercises for every step of the journey, and lots of private time with me.
If you’ve ever wondered if coaching is right for you, this is a perfect way to find out. Because this package is under construction and so tightly focused, I’m offering it at a super low rate for a limited time.
Imagine how good it would feel to get your thing done. Then go here for more information and to schedule a free, no-obligation clarity call. I look forward to connecting with you!
And if you’d just like companionship for 30 minutes or so to work through the process above, I’m here for that, too. Contact me here to schedule.
