Two poems for wilderness wanderers.

Water drops on leaf

We began our most recent Community Conversation with Lectio Divina, using the first lines of Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese. We laughed, we cried, we shared. One community member contributed David Whyte’s lovely poem to our conversation. l am deeply grateful to you all.

Both poems are potential resources for you who find yourselves walking in a spiritual wilderness. They speak to the loneliness of wandering and the joy of finding home again. And perhaps to the realization that home was there all along. Perhaps even to the realization that the wilderness is home.

Mark your calendars for our next gathering: Thursday, September 30th, at 9:00 am Pacific. We’d love to have you join us. Subscribe here for weekly-ish resources, including links to Community Conversations.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mary Oliver

The Well

Be thankful now for having arrived,
for the sense of
having drunk
from a well,
for remembering the long drought that preceded your arrival
and the years walking in a desert landscape of surfaces looking for a spring hidden from you for so long that even wanting to find it now had gone from your mind
until you only
remembered the hard pilgrimage that brought you here,
the thirst that caught in your throat; the taste of a world just-missed
and the dry throat that came from a love you remembered but had never fully wanted for yourself, until finally, after years making the long trek to get here it was as if your whole achievement had become nothing but thirst itself.

But the miracle had come simply from allowing yourself to know that you had found it,
that this time
someone walking out into the clear air from far inside you
had decided not to walk past it anymore;
the miracle had come at the roadside in the kneeling to drink
and the prayer you said,
and the tears you shed
and the memory
you held
and the realization
that in this silence
you no longer had to keep your eyes and ears averted from the
place that
could save you,
that you had been given
the strength to let go
of the thirsty dust laden
pilgrim-self
that brought you here,
walking with her
bent back, her bowed head and her careful explanations.

No, the miracle had already happened
when you stood up,
shook off the dust
and walked along the road from the well,
out of the desert toward the mountain, 
as if already home again, as if you
deserved what you loved all along, 
as if just remembering the taste of that clear cool spring could lift up your face
and set you free.

~David Whyte

 Photo by Thomas Kinto on Unsplash

Ground yourself in your soul’s deep wisdom.

Woman with tattoo of arrow on wrist overlooking a lake

What do I believe in when church doesn’t work for me anymore? Do I have to abandon everything I’ve loved and that has fed me for all these years? What about Jesus? What about God? What about prayer? Where will I find community? How do I do this?

These are the questions clients and readers ask me over and over. Not knowing the answers to these questions keeps them in the pew long after they hear the call to leave. They feel lost, afraid, and vulnerable when they think about leaving. They know what to expect in church. Church might not feel good anymore, but at least it’s familiar.

Why so much fear? Here’s why. You’ve been taught to fear. You’re so freaking used to accepting others’ truths as gospel, because that’s how you were trained. Your parents, teachers, and pastors didn’t teach you to think for yourself, especially about God and religion. Of course you feel terrified of leaving the comfortable fold. Of course you look to others for permission. Of course you don’t believe you’re up to the task of doing your own theological work. Because you’ve been told, both explicitly and implicitly, that you don’t have the right. That you don’t have the education. That you’re just not smart enough. That you need to leave God stuff to the guys, sweetheart.

Who are you when you’re no longer who you were? Who are you, out here in the wilderness? Who are you, floating in this Sea of Ambiguity?

First of all, you’re okay. Yes, this feels scary, and you’re okay. You’re just in Square One of the Change Cycle. You’ve done this before, and you can do it again. You’re okay.

We navigate through uncharted territory by following a compass. In this case, the compass is your soul, the part of you who knows the way home.

Here are three simple ways to ground yourself in your soul’s deep wisdom.  

Be in your body. Women’s bodies, especially aging women’s bodies, have been denigrated for centuries by patriarchal religion and capitalist culture. That’s some toxic bullshit right there. Please, get back into your body. Love her. Listen to her. Body scans. Walk. Run. Yoga. Sweaty work. Warm baths. Delicious food. Beauty. Move your attention from your head to your body, my sister. Your soul speaks through your body. (The first tool I teach clients is always the “body compass.” Your body can’t lie, because it doesn’t use words. Only brains and minds lie, because it takes words to lie. I’m happy to walk you through this exercise on a Clarity Call.)

Meditate. Meditation grounds you in your truth, as opposed to someone else’s truth. When you meditate, you begin to separate what you know to be true from the cultural messages you’ve absorbed. You begin to discern your soul’s wisdom bubbling up through all the thoughts. You begin to separate the fear from the call. You can start meditating by simply sitting still and paying attention to your breath. It’s simple and incredibly powerful.

Lectio Divina. Give your brain something to do in service of your soul. Lectio Divina is just the fancy Latin name for “holy reading,” and it’s super easy to do. You can bring the Lectio process to nature, to images, and to text. Everything speaks, when we learn to listen. Here’s a free ebook I wrote several years ago with background and directions. (We’re doing some Lectio to begin today’s Zoom Community Conversation. Subscribe here for updates, including events like this one.)

You’ll be okay. As you begin to trust yourself – body, soul, and mind – you will be sourced from a deep holiness who’s always there for you. You will be guided by your own deep wisdom, which is both unique to you and as common as dirt. Let me know if I can help.

Photo credit: Natalie Rhea Rigg on Unsplash